heyyy!

I need to let things out. I don't have anyone who understands me as much as I understand myself. Hah teruknya bila x ada mood, so many things in mind je baru write shits here. It has been a long time since I update my blog. March 23rd this year. 4 months. Tak lama tapi so many things happened :O Remember failure is the greatest lesson? Yes, life is not fair, sometimes. My business partner was apparently left out from our company. Tak nak cerita why, don't want to point fingers but task was not conducted and problem dia bila you don't walk your talk. So, we separated. Alhamdulillah, I build my own company with my bestfriend, Ahmad Abdul Salam. So far so good, even we start from zero, we are progressively moving towards success. Slowly but surely. I think Ahmad is the best partner so far. He understands me and always keep me going. Any achievement? YES! last month I went for basketball referee level 2 (state level) certificate. And yes! I berjaya with flying colors. So happy!

I feel life is so hard these days. I grinding and keep on going. Imagine 20 hours of working without sleeping. 1 permanent job and 4 part-time jobs. I tak faham why #sayaZahra campaign di anjurkan. I understand the speech is just wanted to voice out what young generation feels. But trust me, the life that our parents facing masa sekolah/muda dulu lagi sedih. Imagine my mom and my aunties yang lain yatim by the age of 5 and duduk rumah atap bocor, makan kari ayam dalam tin kuah satu periuk tak ada ayam pun (seketul dua je ayam kongsi 5 beradik dgn atuk) minum air paip pergi sekolah, and they never complaint. Pergi sekolah every end of month kene berdiri atas kerusi sebab tak bayar yuran bulanan sekolah RM3.00 (mak tak dapat exception yuran sebab atok bukan rakyat malaysia). Atok kerja hari hari bawa beca sehari income 20sen je nak bagi makan anak beranak pun tak cukup. Ya Allah sedihnya. Bila mak start cerita zaman sekolah I still can see tears running from her eyes. You don't tell me what is survival, Don't tell me what is mengemis means to you..

I don't have anything to say regarding government. Speculations are everywhere. We'll see how it goes. And my opinion does not matter. So why should I care? Don't blame the system if you failed. Work your ass. :)

Hey ! Didn't know you're still breathing. \o/

A year passed by and I didn't update anything here. It doesn't mean that my life is so plain. It means that I was busy dealing with the oxygen, people, bullshits and things. What a year passed by has turn me into? Still a sucker for penny, a bit wiser for life. Being more focused and having a clear visionary was my primary life goal. By the way, I'm providing the best fitness training program for all ladies that wanted to lose weight (just because I care and I wanna save a life) nothing much.

Besides I was so thankful that a year down the road I met Asiv and Adam and only God knows what are we chasing for. And thank God we are in the same boat. I learned being limitless, being prepared for future. For my kid's future and 5 years plan from now. All you need is to PDCA (plan–do–check–act // plan–do–check–adjust) by adjusting things means that I really need to improvised my work in terms of everything. Work, fitness training and relationships (with parents, friends, lover and God).

Any achievement? Not that I expected so far. I used to pursue my Master program last time, but shit happened, I dropped out and I got accepted to one of good company in Petaling Jaya. And I'm loving it so much. The people, the work is just awesome. Nothing much. Life transition has been so fast for me. I guess it's my call to retire at young age. Because my goal is always to 'retire rich, retire young' I shouldn't be doing anything by the age of 30.

friends

The heartbeat of yours is so clear,
and baby don't deny these feelings,
I can tell by the way you stare,
and the way you move your body.

Remember we used to hold hands,
steal kisses with each other,
playing with each other like a baby,
sing along to stupid love songs.

I just don't understand,
this whole thing was just a lie,
you told me I was just a friend,
that you needed when you were lonely.

The distance it what keeps us apart,
they said the hearts will grow fonder,
told you it'll just make you go wonder,
just hold on to what we used to have,
I want you for the rest of my life.

Love

It was clear to see that you mean everything to me,
But you just fled and ran away,
I didn't know where it went wrong,
or how this whole thing is happening.

Thought you were the one for me,
you fit me perfectly I swear,
your smile is everything that I yearn,
your soul is just amazing as you

The picture of us kissing is still in my mind,
you gave me strength to carry on this life
without you I fall down,
I fall down with millions stars in the sky,
No moonshine to light my way,
No sunrise to keep me awake.

If I could turn back time,
I would just hold you in my arms,
giving you everything that I can,
carry you through this game of life.

hmm

I don't know

Because I just don't belong here.

TBH.

The biggest fuck-face I've ever seen. it's you

Aku tak pernah hidup nak
menagih simpati dari orang lain.
Aku cukup sedar yang mana
ayah selalu pesan jangan
hidup tu sekali kali menyusahkan
orang lain kalau masih berkudrat.
Aku tak pernah nak jadi perempuan
yang banyak menceceh dan banyak
komplain nya untuk dari setiap sudut,
Aku faham perempuan itu rumit.
perempuan itu banyak kerenah nya
banyak mood swings nya.
Aku cuma jarang berkawan dengan
perempuan yang 'pussy'.
Bila mana ada orang yang asik
berpaut dan mengaduh aku rasa pelik.
Perempuan itu lemah?
perempuan itulah senjata paling kuat
bercakap menentang kebenaran.
Mungkin persekitaran kawan laki laki
yang ramai buat aku tak mudah
dan tak ada masa nak layan perempuan.
Kenapa fikiran perempuan itu rumit?
Mungkin nafsu sembilan akal satu itu.
Aku hidup pun berteraskan satu paksi
'I just don't live to please others'
Style aku begitu lah, rockstar, dan
benci pada perempuan yang bermekap tebal
dan bermuka muka.
Aku bukan benci, cuma, meluat.
oh tak ada siapa perfect?
yes yes. semua tak perfect,
biasa nya dalam dunia ni, kau boleh
letak kan semua salah pada aku.
Aku perempuan yang kuat dan tak lemah.
Aku tahu beza orang bodoh dan pandai.

baby :*

baby was trying so hard
making cute faces.
so cute. i love you, hun.

Northern light.

a bucket full of wish.
sitting with my love
beneath the northern light.
proposed me and kiss me on my forehead.
that wud be too much. lol.
I just wanted to see the
northern light before I die :)

Selamat hari raya :D !

A thousand miles
just to meet me on the
first day of Syawal ?
That is my real hero.
I love you so much baby.
Seeing your face on eid
really makes me happy :*
I love you.
Forgive me all my wrongdoings.
Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir and Batin :*
Those past months and counting
are the moment I treasured most baby.
I love you so much.
I love you so much that I would really love to say
that infinity to you.
It's like a massive feeling, a love that couldn't
compare with anything.
I love you.
I miss you so much too.
Hugs.
Thank you again for coming.
I'd really appreciate that baby <3>

I miss you baby

I am definitely 

missing you

so much hun.

hun, this one goes for you.

Thank you for everything hun.

Thank you for the past hundred and

forty one days spent together.

Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

Thank you for being such an inspiration for me.

Thank you for being there for me,

through my ups and down.

For you have seen all my fears and smiles,

thank you for accompany me these days.

Thank you for the love you had and always have

given me and I pretty sure I need it more.

Thank you for the forehead kiss, for the

promise to be with me until the end of time.

Thank you for not only being my lover,

but my bestfriend, my brother, my silly childish partner

and mostly my soulmate.

Thank you for hearing all my blabbers patiently 

standing strong with me.

Thank you for every single thing sayang.

I love you so much, Hadzraie.

You are the greatest thing that ever happen to me.

Atelophobia

Have you ever regret on 

something that you had done?

Honestly,

there's a thing I wish that it has 

an undo button.

Many things, I supposed.

It's like you fell like

mourning and crying your heart out.

I have the fear of imperfection. 

Not that I always wanted to be the best

in everything, 

it is just that what I've done in my past

has more or less give impacts on my future.

It affects my feelings and my thinking.

I think I should learn to expect, allow and accept.

Accepting is the hardest part of all.

It's hard to really accept what had past.

Your past is like a ghost,

it haunts you, it kills you. literally.

I don't know what future holds for me.

I never wanted to expect anything.

Knowing that someone would 

come into your life, accept you wholeheartedly

is more than enough. 

Life is not that easy.

And trust me, life is not that always beautiful.

Pretending that everything is okay

carving smiles on my face is

probably the best I can do.

I wished I laugh harder everyday 

and forget about everything that has happened.

I wished you would hold me tight,

and tell me everything is going to be okay.

Tell me, convincing me that I am doing good, doing great.

I wished you would love me endlessly 

and accept me for who I am.

cross your heart :)

summer

Kiss me hard before you go

Summertime sadness

I just wanted you to know

That, baby, you're the best.

you are my sun.

hey,
it's just the distance.
My heart don't matter.
I'm going no where,
I am here to stay.
Make it every month meeting
me here, okay baby?
I'll wait for you.
I love you.
Hugs.

"he's my sun, he shines me like diamond."

lana

It's just,

every word from 

most of her songs 

touches me.

For me, she is perfect.

amour

Mon amour, je sais que tu m'aimes aussi

Tu as besoin de moi

Tu as besoin de moi dans ta vie

Tu ne peux plus vivre sans moi

Et je mourrais sans toi

It feels like first time.

When I'm with you,

it feels like,

you know,

like the first time,

I fall in love. 

Thank you. 

You bring joy

to my life,

I love you baby.

diamond