Saturday, December 31, 2011

so long 2011

given me lots of things
to be remembered to be learned
I lost my love life
I met new people
I am better than past years.really.
I spent less time with maryam
tiah and farhah. I'll make it up later ok guys?
I miss you guys thou.
and the most current thing
that I am totally going to share here
is I feel belonging here with my new frens.
they are awesome.
amie,dila,nad,dell and ella.
gosh I shud be spending more time
with you guys where I can sense
a family in all of you.
and least, I fall in love again.
bobo thanks for giving me chance
to know a kind hearted guy like you.

diary closed.
so long 2011
we meet 2012 real soon
lots of love,
benny, anis, faez

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

If and only if

If I were everyone
around me.
not myself I would be
jealous much of us.
how perfect we are
together. you and me
and let's forget the world.
kiss bo

Monday, December 26, 2011


"It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear.
You almost feel ashamed,
that someone could be that important -
that without them, you feel like nothing.
No one will ever understand how much it hurts.
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you.
And when it's over, and it's gone,
you almost wish that you could have
all that bad stuff back -
so that you could have the good."

Saturday, December 24, 2011

syer wehh


I am
truly sorry :(

you are my drugs

baby, be my whiskey
be my red wine
be my tequila
be forever mine
because I need cocaine
I need morphine
and I need you

Friday, December 23, 2011

If it's true you are being together.

this is weird.
well you guys do
the just want to know what's
happening with your ex's current life.
everyone did.
but if this is real. I mean
what you guys are heading is
towards love that eternity,
I like to wish good luck
and take care of each other.
I can't give you what she can,
I am so sorry that I wasn't perfect
or am. if you are reading this,
don't break her heart because
she is a girl and she is very precious.
I don't want to say much.
I wish the best for you.


I just cut my own hair.
I haven't do this thingy since
year 1995.
I was so obsessed with
cutting my own hair when
I was a kid.a little.
I just did it and it feels
a lot more relieved than killing
your own-self. really.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

First Heartbreak

I suppose it’s like—It’s mourning, isn’t it?
As if, like, someone has died,
because you’re so invested in something
that that part of yourself is dying,
you know? It’s like, gut-wrenching,
And then you’ve got to kind of—I suppose
it’s like yin and yang, you know?
And then you—You have to try and feel
whole yourself again…
because when you’re in a relationship
you are, like, quite enmeshed in a way.
-Agyness Deyn

pictures of us are more perfecto

Stroll in the park was
the best part of all.

I shud bring even larger picnic mat
so we can fit cuddling and lie down
under the open skies.

I wish to freeze the time
and stop the world
so that we can be forever
on that particular moment.

P/s: screww it for the rain. they envy much of us. :B
we cud have something more sweeter than this.
see, you showed me that dreams are real.
I love you. really.


I wish I could kill myself

see I'm screwing myself.
I'm gonna kill myself
if I let this stupid things
happen again in my life.
I have to seriously
learn from mistake.
fuck you idiot benny.

I prefer killing my own-self

I trust you most

fuck. by all means. I'm really
don't want to cause you any trouble
or messing with your life.
but I just did. I am pathetically
sorry. I know it's not enough.
I really do sorry.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

syer he is

see that fucking
irritating face he made?
haha. kunun habis cute
la tueww -.-' yucks. haha
this is the one and only
guy that can stand
hearing all my nags and
blabbering and cursing
and we do sembang
kote together.
do you know how does
it feels like to have such
a great friend you trusted
most and sharing a lot
of things together?
it feels awesomee.

p/s: thanks for everything.
lama dah aku nak buat post pasal kau
syer, cume tak nenyempat. haha.
more or less I am happy to have you around (:

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

kau ubah persepsi. kau fikir kau hebat?

aku menyokong penuh nilai murni
berpoligami. tapi tidak pada isu berbangkit
mengatakan bahawa berpoligami
mewajibkan isteri mentaati suami
sepenuh hati sehingga menghalalkan
'group sex' atau memberi satu tag line
bahawa layanan yang di berikan
dalam hal hal mengenai sex haruslah
menjadi lebih baik daripada
'first class prostitute'
tak ada perkataan berhemah lain
yang boleh diganti kepada prostitute
apa erti prostitute?

Prostitution is the act or practice of providing sexual services to another person in return for payment.

terlalu hina letak nya kedudukan
seorang isteri sehingga boleh digelar
seorang prostitute.
poligami pada dasarnya
disegani oleh agama lain
kerana pembahagian hak
dan sifat bertanggung jawab
yang adil lagi saksama boleh
dipikul dan ditanggung oleh seorang
suami. apabila group sex menjadi
satu trend, pada pandangan individualistik
ia tidak ubah seperti perlakuan
haiwan atau binatang.
adakah mungkin isteri isteri tersebut
melakukan sex terlalu
OBEDIENT kepada suami
dibayar dan seterusnya digelar
mungkin pada konteks sipulan
in return for payment itu
adalah nafkah yang diberikan
tapi isteri tidak perlu
menjadi objek seks kepada suami.
buruk benar bunyinya. sungguh.
mungkin kau nampak
perkataan prostitute
itu suatu yang cool disebut
atau di beri contoh
namun, tidak perlu ia dicanang
sehingga memberi persepsi buruk
tentang hidup berpoligami.
kau letak martabat perempuan
serendah pelacur,
kau racuni fikiran perempuan
untuk taat sepenuh hati kepada suami,
kau berikan gambaran bahawa
group sex itu menyeronokkan.
mana pergi maruah ?
lebih baik kau hidup tidak beragama
daripada memalukan agama kau sendiri.

p/s: iya masing masing punya fikiran tafsiran.
aku persoalkan perkara ini pucuk pangkalnya
mengingatkan diri sendiri. serta kau yang
lebih daripada jauh tergelincir dari landasan.

Sunday, December 11, 2011


When moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves I've let it go
We build our church above the street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin I'm stained in you
And all I have to do is hold you
There's a racing within my heart
And I am barely touching you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you

The moonlight plays upon your skin
A kiss that lingers takes me in
I fall asleep inside of you
There are no words
There's only truth
Breathe in, breathe out
There is no sound
We move together up and down
We levitate our bodies soar
Our feet don't even touch the floor
But nobody knows you like I do
'Cause the world they don't understand
That I grow stronger in your hands

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you

We never sleep we're always holdin' hands
Kissin' for hours talkin' makin' plans
I feel like im better man
Just being in the same room
We never sleep there's just so much to do
So much to say
Can't close my eyes when I'm with you
Insatiable the way I'm loving you

Turn the lights down low
Take it off
Let me show
My love for you
Turn me on
Never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you

Thanks much.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

It's hard not to care

oh, I am never perfect for anyone.

I am broke. really

after all,
mending a broken heart
is not an easy thing to do.

Monday, December 5, 2011

And I bet you are just fine

I missed the night
we were all alone
you took my hand and
danced with me.
I remember you sang
me those lullabies
the sweetest thing you ever done.
I remember you hug me
endlessly until the morning light.
I can still feel you here with me.
trust me,
you'll never find someone
who can love you right.
I thought we could be together
forever ):

how does it feels
like to give all your heart
and soul to someone?
they won't do the same.
trust me. really.
love only brings
you heartache.


ini bukan pertama kali
aku rasa ingin mati.
sudah beberapa kali
sungguh ):


ada masa bila
kau rasa langit itu
rebah jatuh atas kau
bila angin kencang goyang
jasad kau bilamana
perasaan kau kucar kacir
bila kau rasa hendak hentak
benak fikiran hayun
perasaan hingga pecah berderai.
perasaan saat kau ingin
sendiri perasaan rimas
keadaan sekeliling.
hendak di maki hendak menghamun
perasaan yang mana kau
sendiri tidak dapat kawal
kau sendiri tidak tahu pucuk
pangkalnya. pukimak.
semua serba salah. semua hilang arah.
semua serba tidak kena.
ehh penat lah macam ni.
dalam fikiran beribu kali
terjun dari curam tinggi
bunuh diri, kan lebih mudah?
hati remuk senak perut
diri rasa sendiri walau
semua ada di sisi. aku penat.
penat fikir menerawang
hidup tak tenang.
dugaan melimpah. mana diri kau
yang kuat? mana diri kau yang
gagah? biarkan aku sendiri.
memutar masa membelit ilusi
megajar realiti. pergi dari sini
hentikan pandangan kejimu.
biarkan aku sendiri meratap
jasad tidak berjiwa.

take me there.

shoot Im changing my mind
instead of going to
venice italy i wud rather
die to go to rio de jenairo brazil
this place is beyond awesomee
i tell you. brazil, <3

Thursday, December 1, 2011


hello spring,
I'm summer.
It was very
nice to meet you.