everyone has their fears

okay.
It's been six months since I'm in relation
with someone.
everyone have their own blind spots
their weaknesses and their fears.
for me, the hardest part being
in relation is falling so hard for someone.
for the one we love.
I don't need eyes when I can love blindly.
I never really take any love for granted.
True love is nothing when we slipped it away.
finding a true love is hard.
identifying a true love is hard too.
but one thing I know for sure
when you're in love,
love you partner with all your heart and soul.
no matter what happens. no matter how.
you got to be true to your partner.
I don't think loving your partner with all your
heart and soul counted as pathetic.
haha.
enormously caring is another side of me.
but but then all those things about my past
have taught me a lot.
I can go loving my guy fucking damn much,
but I won't, god's will
to cause him any problem.
awhh, come on. loving and having a good life is
always in the same wavelengths.

for me, I only fight

for thing that worth
fighting and dying for.
because we
work out for our relation,
pray hard to god,
and wait patiently
for the day
that we will be
together forever.
always bee bee.
thanks for giving me chance
to love you
with all my heart & soul.

we're teen

enemies

You got enemies?
Good.
That means you actually stood up
for something in your life.
-Eminem

kalau ada .......

kalau ada sumur di ladang,
ada kerbau tak?
hahaha,

i hate to say out loud

that eff word,

you know what it is.

:D

make it hilarious so that

life is something interesting.

because pressure

is no longer my pleasure.

words for thought

I never thought being a girl was a fantastic gift ever.
I always think being a guy is so much cooler.
but then, being in between is super duper superb.
conclusion is, life is always about choices.
Just be yourself

make up? apa tu? :O

cakap pasal make up.
haha. lawak sial.
aku tak pernah rasa nak make up
make up. truth is sumpah aku rasa
bila pakai make up rasa gedik semacam
macam orang gedik gedik.
haha.
geli tahu?
tapi tapi bila consider balik
yang aku ni perempuan
apa salah nyaa
try something yang tak pernah kita try.
& kalau nak try pun
aku suggest pergi try benda yang elok elok
bukan pergi mabuk ke, hisap dadah ke.
;D
recently aku dapat xmas present.
okay tak pelik pun, tapi it was very funny
lah kan to get eyeshadow. fucked up
never imagine i could go and wear all
those girlish thingy.
my fren's mom once said,
" put some make up, to make more beautiful
because we are girls"
see, we should appreciate
what god gives us lah kann.
i mean perempuan tu sangat lah
special. we can go dress up and
put some make up on our face
to make glamorously shining & beautiful.
oh satu hal,
nak jadi beautiful on the outside
kau mesti betul betul pure and
beautiful from the inside.
that's the basic.
tak ada lain, kau tak wear make up pun,
if people tgk best je nak pandang
tak bosan that's mean kau mmg cantik
betul betul. tak fake.
fake nampak pelik,
no matter berapa tebal makeup kau pakai
tak akan nampak the natural beauty.

okay, apa aku nak cakap kat sini
pakai lah make up tebal mana
gincu pekat manaa
kalau kau dah mmg cantik
tak ada hal.
semua perempuan out there,
come on, life is beautiful
so do we !
;DD

*i was a total tomboy*
wearing guy's tee is may fav
having spikey hair was my style.
but, you got me what am i right now bee bee.
changes is sometimes good.
but not to drastic.
be urself nway.
life is about choices.
faham kan? (:

can dreams last forever?

girl: why are you alone out here at this bus station?
what are you looking for? aren't you should be home by now?
your mom would really worried about you.
boy: it's okay, I'm just being here for awhile. come here, i need a hug.
*hugging tightly*


okay, I really hope I won't wake up
because I see u clearly in my dream
I miss you so much it hurts
:)

Christmas eve

tonite was fun.
I had a blast night.
to dance all night long with
long lost schoolmates
was fun !
I couldn't describe more.
okay, bottom line
merry christmas to those
who celebrating it.

to shake all
those stress by doing what
you like
is breath-taking
you can always party on your own,
turning little freaks is not a crime.
macam aku cakap
bila ada problem atau stress
atau feeling blues
don't stop urself to find
some entertainment to lupa sekejap
and eventually lupa terus ur
problems.
come on, life is to enjoy to the fullest.
don't you dare to say that you having a good life
if there's no problem going on with ur life
biatches :D

sorry bee bee

tak tak.

tak nag dah.

sorry :(

heart youuu

<3

how was it?

these some of my fav pics;
we don't go & tell people we go to overseas every month.
HAHA

okay, ion shopping center.

-..- short and fat. haha

gambar xmas lg lawa dr gmbar raya?

hahah. mungkin.

farouk's princess. :DD

gila tak ingat dunia berjalan.

but it was fun obviously.

pergi 1100 balik 0300

how was that?

lama gilaa. -..-

again let pictures do the talking.

kalau ini fikiran lelaki

aku rasa sometimes perempuan ni

macam fuck jugak tau,

24 jam nak berkepit dengan boyfriend.

weh minah, kalau kau tu bini tak apa la

ini baru je jadi girlpren aku

dah sibuk busy memanjang nak mebebel bebel

segalaa. alahai, rimas aku dibuat nya.

nak di tegur sayang,

nak di marah nanti merajuk.

susah nak layan kau orang ni lah.

baru tak text sekejap fikir macam macam

fikir aku ada betina lain lah

fikir aku pergi menggatal lah

fikir yang bukan bukan je fikir dia.

apa masalah? kau tak trust lelaki ke?

ingat semua lelaki ni sama suka main kayu kayu ?

kalau kita org dah cakap sayang kau

seorang makna nya kau seorg je lah.

tapi kalau ada perempuan yang menggatal dgn aku

apa salah nya aku layankan kan?

alah, saja saja buat sedap.

nak test power ni haa, mantap lagi tak

cara mengorat nyaa.

okay ke tak? haha.

alah alah, kalau kita org dah syg, kita syg la

dekat awek tu.

ada awek yang boleh buat kita gila lagi.

apa hal nya tu? kau org bikin rileks je.

tak payah nak kecoh kecoh gelabah

macam besok nak perang.

kalau aku busy duk main game tu faham lah sikit,

aku tgah main game. ish, itu pun nak ckp.

game dgn kau org awek2, game lagi

best, boleh puas kan aku.

haha, kau org pun

kalau nak sentap merajuk cukup lah

sekali masa time time nak ke tengah ke atau sesudah

datang bulan. kalau hari hari

alamat sesak la aku nak melayan. hahaha.

lagi satu, bukan tak suka kau canang satu dunia

kita sedang bersama tapi kau tak rasa

kita tu tak de lah fames mengalah kan angelina jolie dgn brad pitt.

haha. cukup sekadar aku sayang kau, kau sayang aku.

faham kan?

ini fikiran lelaki. memang cool.

kita pun sayang kan?

jadi tak perlu buat satu benda tu

complicated. chill je.

wah, kira kira pengalaman tu

banyak jugak jasa diaorg.

haha. okay lah,

ni sikit je apa aku boleh share.

tak tahu lah perempuan tu fikiran dia kompleks mcm mana.

and well, tuhan tu Maha Mengetahui.

di ciptakan sesuatu itu saling berpasangan kan?

bayangkan semua orang plain?

mungkin dunia jadi bosan dan dull.

bottom line is, just be thankful for everything :D

eHOW?

okay, come on pretty

don't waste your time to feel sad,

frown, down, gloomy,

life is to enjoy to the fullest.

feeling blues?

flick your lighter until a flame appears.

pull out a cigar,

light the end opposite from the filter as you breathe in.

Keep trying until smoke begins to come out

of that end away from your mouth.

You should notice that the tobacco end of the cigarette is lit.

fucked up. i never really know that smoking instructions

can be googled. This is so cool.

hahaha. why smoke when u know it just a waste

of money?

haha. it depends on individual.

on ehow u can ask any fucking things u want.

from personal to feelings,

from cooking to learning.

it just there man.

if you are not sure about anything,

let your fingers running thru those alphabets on the keyboard

and pooofff, the answer pops-up. funny isn't it?

anything anything

sometimes I feel world wide web is no longer

secure. people can do anything.

everything about any single thing

can be learned, read and understand.

w o w.

this is what I call life !

:DD

beauty and the beast

I just wish for a magic mirror like belle used

in her beauty and the beast movie

so that I can see exactly what are you doing right now,

because being miles apart with you

sometimes can drive me insane and I do seriously miss you.

worth fighting and dying for

"What I have with him is worth it.

It is worth every lonely night,

every tear I cry from missing him

and the pain I feel from not having him close.

It is worth it because he is my one and only.

When I picture myself years from now,

I see only him.

No matter how painful distance can be,

not having him in my life would be so much worst!"

being an army girlfriend is my superpower

If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't know adventure.

You don't know smelly gray PT uniforms that require a daily washing.

You can't understand green and brown camouflaged bags flooding your bedroom floor.

If you're not in love with a soldier,

you can't understand the meaning of the phrase

"going to the field" and the weeks you spend away from each other.

If you're not in love with a soldier,

you can never imagine the hole in your heart

when that phone call comes?

"Honey, I am leaving tomorrow to go overseas.

I don't know how long I will be gone or exactly where I am going,

but I want you to know that I love you - always!"

If you're not in love with a soldier,

you don't know what it's like to say that final good-bye.

You don't know what it really means to be glued to the television.

You don't understand fear and

you can't possibly understand the sleepless nights

of endless crying wondering

if you will ever see the love of your life alive again.

If you're not in love with a soldier,

you can't truly understand how to make

every moment count

because you never know when that phone call may come again.

If you're not in love with a soldier,

you can never really understand how very delicate life is!

awhh, it was nothing. I miss you sahaja. :D

aku busy kan diri

harap harap dapat lupa

aku dalam state rindu

kau gila babi.

tapi sebab darah yang

mengalir dalam badan aku

udara yang aku hela

semua ada kau,

so rindu aku kat

kau every second pun

tak lekang.

kuat impact kau dalam

hidup aku.

:D best, aku suka. biar dia stay okay?

jangan bagi feelings tu pergi mana

mana. biar je.

haha. somekind of

miracle bila find out

aku boleh hold on, sabar, semua la.

aku rasa bliss gila weh.

rasa unbelievable.

tak tahu, feelings tu mcm

tak boleh nak describe.

tahu tak?

pagi tadi aku jalan jalan

fikir boleh tak kalau nak jumpa

this coming christmas?

hoo. then, second thought

you did told me yesterday

you really want a break a rest.

so, tak apa lah. maybe i can hold on.

tunggu bila bilaa lah we can meet.

oh i dont fucking mind

bila boleh jumpa

sebab i think kita ada

a lifetime to spend with.

so why rush? ;DD

and and,

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT.

seriously kan? ;DD

come on, he just a KID

It took me
many days to confess
that I am seriously
a big fan of
JUSTIN BEIBER.
wtf? :O
I mean seriously.
-.-'
they told me that
I just like his song.
but then,
I deny it, because
I don't just like his song,
I like JB too.
which part?
hahaha. he look so cute like
a new born baby boy.
BOLEH TAKK?
HAHAHA.
shit shit shit.
I feel gay man.
to confess that I
LIKE JB !
bee bee. u ada new rival.
HAHA. no no,
I like you more hunnyBee.
heheh

haha. lawak macam gampang

bukan aku nak berlagak ke apa
tapi kalau kau dah bagi
telefon genggam kau pengaturan dia
bahasa melayu memang lah aku
terkebil kebil tak faham
sebab telefon genggam yang aku biasa
guna pengaturan bahasa orang putih.
kalau kau tanya aku perkataan
pelik pelik yang mesin telekomunikasi ni guna
dalam bahasa melayu pun aku tak dapat
nak jadi kamus terbaik untuk kau.
ingat aku hebat sangat bahasa melayu?
kalau aku hebat dah lama berdiri
sebaris a.samad said, hamka beliau semua tu.
masuk akal ke kau cakap aku bodoh
melayu sebab aku tak tahu
perkataan mesin telekomunikasi
tu guna bahasa melayu.
kalau kau hebat sangat apesal tak fikir
sendiri apa benda dia mencarut
dalam mesin telekomunikasi kau tu?
kau pun bodoh bm jugak?
semata mata aku sekolah habis
pergi kolej semua tu kau ingat aku tahu
fasih cekap hebat bahasa melayu la?
bahasa melayu aku tahap karyawan la?
kalau kau nak tahu, ilmu aku ni
kalau bentang laut yang luas tu
setitik air laut je ilmu aku tu.
memang salah aku la
tak pergi guna telefon genggam
aku dalam bahasa melayu?
bodoh. lupa diri aku melayu
asik nak cakap bahasa orang putih je.
apa pun semua bahasa org putih,
dari bercakap sampai belajar
semua orang putih.
melayu memang macam ni tak sedar diri.
boleh ke macam tu?
MAKE SENSE KE?
cukup jelas tak aku tulis dalam bahasa melayu ni?
ke bahasa melayu pun
kau TAK FAHAM?
bungolan -.-'

closing account ?

I really don't want to make another post
because talking pictures down there
are freaking cutee.
haha.
this post basically for all readers out there
thanks for browsing at this
enough bloggie.
"when the world said enough,
never really had enough thou.
Enough kindda not exist."
the ups and downs in my life
i wrote it here.
from the start to the end.
from lonely to joy.
from dark to bright.
from sadness to happiness.
few times thinking about closing
this account,
I dont know.
might this account no longer active
or anything.
hmm. oh shoot,
am blogging for almost a year.
I remember the first time i was writing
this blog.
I was writing about myself,
about sadness, the state of feeling down,
frown and fucked up.
BUT, YES, PEOPLE CHANGE
why? BECAUSE TIME IS THE MAIN FACTOR.
changing can be good most of the time.
change from bad to better,
loser to hero,
anything. :D
a year man, pheww.
COME ON, YOU GUYS DID READ EVERYTHING
IN THIS BLOG AREN'T YOU? :DD
the mood goes like,
rebellious, self-motivated, love,
family, life and so on.
still. thinking bout closing this account.
we'll see.

BIG HEART FOR ALL
THE DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY
FOLLOWERS. :D
THANKS. without you guys,
this blog is nothing.

talking pictures

ahh, purrr-fect combination, white and red. :DD

naisss, thanks for the pic pretty ! :D

i like this one most :DD

pencahaya-an cantik. ahaa, syan comel je ;D

fanaa, rusy,me n syann

oh, cik syan and me.

adds-on? LOL

she's pretty good man, ;DD

cute ! i like this pic too. :DD

haha, paling tak boleh blah,

reverse ke belakang.

sumpah gelak sampai sakit perut.

plus plus, "SEKARANG SEKARANG SEKARANG !"

hahaha

have a great day btw.

thanks hearts <3

:DD

this two should be okay
(:

memory lost wud be great maybe?

why is it always
not so easy
to forgive and
harder to forget?
if I ever had a chance,
choosing between
coma and memory lost,
I would choose memory lost.
BUT, there's a thing I
wouldn't want to forget.
It is the sweetest thing that
ever happens to my life.
and that is you.
no doubt bout that bee. (:

hair go go grows faster :DD

and if it's long.
sure do look like this?
isn't it nicee?
oh i can't wait.
4 years, faster,
I want my hair to be really longg.

lovey dovey bee bee

My Heart Believes In You

I kept my head up high,
and then you came my way.
I have been hurt so many times.
My heart filled with so much pain.
but now that pain has gone away.
For I have found a place I want to be.
This place I see is with thee.
For in your arms I have felt and seen,
a wonderful feeling that I cannot believe.
A safe haven in your arms just for me.
Now I give my heart to thee.
For my heart believes in you.

-Stewart Bradshaw

it means more than enough.
(: <3

the same old song

17th october 2010

do u remember the last time we
spent time together?
we went to watch sammy the turtle.
the last minute you're about to leave me,
I am totally lost.
asking myself badly what if we never meet again?
I cried. yes. because I felt so down and sad.
do u know everynite i would look up to the sky finding the brightest star,
wishing that we could meet again someday somewhere.
do you know that everytime u tell me maybe
we can meet pretty soon,
my heart fills with roses and flowers?
and when u tell me again that you're not sure about meeting me,
honestly, my heart crushed and I'm trying hard to calm myself.
I know, deep down inside u. u feel the same way too.
because I strongly believe that
our hearts beat the same rhythm.
sorry, this is what bothering me.
hmm. it's okay, I can handle myself.
there's nothing we can do rite?
except for praying to god, if fate decides that you're the one for me
in any place on the earth we will be together
forever. (:
I LOVE YOU HISYAM.

lovely puppy

hey puppy,
u alone too?
u look sad.
don't worry you'll get new friends
soon. take care.
don't be harsh.
hmm.
take care okay?
:'(

Anberlin - Impossible

you got me beggin'

tak semua orang thankful dengan apa yang dia ada.
bila ada buat tak faham, tak ada, baru lah terfikir.
bila masa MJ hidup, semua nak jatuhkan dia, bila dah tak ada?
bila ada mak dekat sebelah bebel bebel cakap bising, bila tak ada?
bila ada kawan yang sanggup nagis gelak dgn kau, kau cakap sibuk,
bila tak ada nanti macam mana ada yang sama?
bila ada orang care pasal kau hari hari tny apa cerita, kau cakap bosan,
bila tak ada baru rasa sunyi?
bila ada education tinggi tinggi senang senang cakap tak boleh achieve 4 flat,
bila tak ada, cuba tengok mereka yang tak ada peluang nak belajar?
bila ada duit berjuta juta banyak macam mana pun,
bila dah bankrupt baru nak rasa menyesal tak saving?
sampai esok pun panjang panjang tak habis punya,

current playlist:
mike posner
baby please don't go

sorry I lied

okay. I lied.
I have tonnes in my mind.
I just don't want to let it all out.
because I know u're having a rough time too.
sorry. I'm not being complicated.
I'm being just fair enough.
I don't want to nag around telling you this and that.
I don't really know what best to do.
missing you is one major problem.
I seem can't really sort what-so-ever on my mind
ritee now.
really are my problem huh?
:(
sorry.

bee bee

poor child

when it comes to study,
I only know A grade.
since i was little.
for getting B in examination,
I'll feel loser. I feel bad.
mom would call me stupid.
and I hate that.
she did called me few times.
why? because I didn't get good grades
in my examinations.
should I blame anyone?
NO, because it's all my fault.
I hate being call stupid,
who likes it anyway?
no one.

all i need to do is expect, allow, and except.
it's fucking hard. I tell you.

i believe

GOOD THINGS
COME TO THOSE
WHO WAIT

sayang oi (:

bee,

thanks for simply being there for me.

I can't find any words other than

THANK YOU to express my feeling

towards everything what you did to me

for the past 5 months.

honestly, i fucking freaking miss you so much

bee bee. but I can do nothing.

sitting here in my bed praying with tears

wishing that somewhere somehow u were beside me.

I miss you so much. and

DECEMBER counting days to meet you,

and be with you till my last breath.

all those scumbags

ni aku malas dah nak cakap banyak banyak.

biar lah, apa nak jadi.

tahu tak lepas dua tahun baru kau nak regret semua benda?

biarkan je semua,

sebab ada benda tuhan janji kat kau akan dtg.

biar kau jadi kambing hitam,

jadi telur tembelang ke, biarkan.

biarkan apa diorg nak judge nak fikir.

malas la nak ckp bnyk.

sendiri pun tak sedar diri. susah la.

biar jee. biar kan. satu hari nanti semua pun settle.

fuck you laa weh, fak ER !

kurus pun tak best -..-

bila kau turun berat badan.
bila rasa perasan diri ringan,
bila tgk dada mengecil.
bila rasa punggung dan peha
maintain membesar,
bila part atas semua kurus,
ahh fuck la.
kurus tak best. bila gemuk,
nak kurus. mcm gampang.
perempuan, mcm tu la.
ahh, kau jgn ingat kau lelaki
tak complain body figure.
hahah. nak buff mcm bodybuilder.
aku tahuu.
oh ni, how to look sexy?
BE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF
:DD

WARdrobe with mommy

mom: I don't understand why u keep on buying clothes?
daughter: emm. being up to date with clothes mommy? 0.O
mom: ur closet upstairs already full with clothes. why aren't you wear everything?
daughter: gulp *gosh, mommy that clothes are all zaman jahiliah dulu when I was a total tomboy. can't you see I'm ur grown up princess? -.-' come on. I'm just being a little up to date with now-days fashion. do you forgot that I really wanted to be a fashion designer when I was little? bla bla bla* (too many excuses)

reminder: when we are about to be PARENTS, we kindda need to keep updated with surroundings and all. oh, and seriously you have to really tahu ur child's gender. bhahaha. I wonder why my dad like me to dress like a boy? o.O maybe he taught someday I can be so handsome like him? gosh, i look more like dean winchester from supernatural. sumpah tak tipu. HAHAHA. sebab tu kut daddy likes me to dress like a boy. wink* -.-'